Harry Patel And The Chamber Of Chatsworth...

Hi Heveryone.. Hows it vaaying my guzzies.. I've been a long time in the hiding and was even chooning Ron the Don that my laanie auther mustve discontinued my brand.. Bu hanyways im here now and am gonna choon u members another hadventure from Hog and Warts instituition about the Chamber of Chatsworth..
It was the summer of 99, when me and my outie Ron decided to take a spin to Chatsworth.. I stopped at the Pooven's garage to fill some sky in my rounds.. While i was der i fluked the petrol filling karya cos he started washing my windows.. I just got my car washed at Baboo's car wash and this madder spoilt it.. So off to Chatsworth we vyed..
Now this Chatsworth is nor ordianry town.. All the tycs stay der.. The Spicy Den fella, the Hot Bunny and Courageous Curry shop owner, Saavantri the famous hairdresser, Pregasen the potato juice merchant and many more.. But i went der cos i heard from someone that Phatma (baboo rugrats daughter) chills at the snooker cafe and i can try my lucks wit her.. So i pulled up der at the cafe.. And I saw her..
I parked the Skyline and me and Ron vyed in like main owes.. Ron vyed to the counter and choon the tanie," 2 Black labels, and make them Quartz cos we da lanies here".. While waiting he choon her to pour some shots at itwhile shes der.. While Ron was der, my only focus was on Phatma and how i was gonna dulla her.. I was approaching her when 2 okes stopped me in my path.. "who u". they reckon.. " Im Arry".. i choon them.. And next minute i knew one of them mapped me from the side.. One harda klap on the face.. I was pissedd " do u know who i am hek se".. "Im the member who bitch slapped Rugrat at the lugs last Easter".. They werent interested bru.. Ron took me and we ran out to recoup.. Then it hit me as to who they were.. It was "Amplifier" Amit and "Subwoofer" Suvash.. aka the "Twin Speakers"..
These lighties shud chill with Phatma.. They always pump mouth and vy on the like the main owes.. But today, one of them is gonna end up in hospital.. Hope ther balis got medical aid.. Me and Ron went to the Skyline and got out wands.. Hin i went and started cracking those madders.. It then became a free for all and everyone was just fluking and flying around.. Phatma fell and hit her head in the comotion.. I carried her out and slat her in the Skyline and took her to quiet spot...
The kerel woke up and i chooned her i saved her life ekse.. She was impressed.. I was officially now her outie.. But my aim was still to ge into her Chambers.. U know wat im saying ekse.. There down by the chambers where i can strike lucky.. Its been 3 months since the Chatsworth rol and i still neva get lucks with this merry.. Only one way to do it.. Use Hunty Hagrids magical tonic..
I set up a romantic hevening with my stukkie at the lugs.. Picnic wat wat.. When she wasnt looking i put the tonic in her drink.. She drank it and got all wild ekse..She went from schoolgirl to showgirl in less than 5 minutes.. I put some Stud 100 and raved the Chambers for a good few minutes.. After like 10 minutes i was klaar.. I did it... I conquered the Chamber of Chatsworth..
I neva call her the next day... Wat a thing i tell u.. My airtime was kla.. But the merry neva believe it.. She choon the twin speakers to look for me.. They found me and choon me wat i neva wanna hear.. The dragon is pregnant.. And the gunner is gonna be mine.. Madder Chot.. Im gonna be a bali hekse..
The King Arry is gonna have a prince my laani.. Even if it is a half blooded one... Who cares.. Its mine.. One problem.. This Phatma merry.. I think i hav to marry this thing now.. Eish, wat to do.. I'll tell you next time what happens with the twin speakers, Phatma and the lil gunner in her stomach..
Shor my outies..

Harry Patel And The Goblet Of Curry...

Hutty Hi Hi bru's.. Whats happening.. Hope your'll were doing classical while i was away.. Me and Ron the Don just got back from one hectic adventure from Griffindor Hills.. We met this heavy outie there.. His name was Akash "sweet" Pillay, aka Sweet Pillay but i called him Death By Chocolate.. Heres why!!!
So we went there on the command of Hunty Hagrid of Hog and Warts academy.. The task was simple.. Me, Ron and his new stukkie Her Money (that rich beeyach) were to go to the 'ills cos they opened a new spice den there and she wanted to try out the new curry they have to cook for her kids at the retard academy.. So we went Rowling,Rowling,Rowling to the 'ills..
We expected a few bumps along the way but no one expected what was to follow.. We were HALF way there in a place called MIDrand that Ron's Skyline decided to pack in.. I told him it was those biryani pot subwoofers that was finishing his engine up.. Lucky we were close to a garage.. While those members were having a look at the car we took a taxi to the 'ills..
We arrived at the spice den.. Long queue there was der.. Like it was sardine run at the fish market.. The dragons were going crazy there.. Fighting for last items on the shelf and screaming "discount, discount".. I quickly manouvered to the curry section and i saw it.. The last Goblet of Curry.. Made from the finest Sri Lankan masala and freshly grounded by Indian tribeswomen from Pakistan.. I had my sights on it.. I grabbed for it and to my amazement it disappeared..
I turned around and saw this tall navy owe with MY goblet in his hands and smiling like he advertises fo colgate.. I told him i was here before him and i wanted it.. And if i don take it back Hunty Hagrid will moer me with a vellon (rolling pin).. He said "Your'll know me, I'm Sweet Pillay,bru.. Don mess with me.. Cos if u do, i'll whack you and whack you till your soul leaves your body litie.." This oke was a dark brown charo.. He sweats Albany chocolate... Thus the name Death By Chocolate.. He didnt wanna budge and his 2 outies came to stand next to him, Bobby and Suvash.. I told Ron and his stukkie to take them out which they did.. They took them for pizza and waffles.. Her Money had the magical power of credit and she cast them to the good side..
Then it was me and DBC(death by choc) battling for the last Goblet of madras Curry.. He was towering over me.. His skin color and his shadow seemed like twins.. He had huge arms.. How was i to overcome this baboon of a oke.. I reached for my wand but it was wasnt workin.. Shit i forgot to change the battery's.. I used it 6 times already.. Damn this Duracell.. So now i had no magic.. So i asked him to challenge me in the ULTIMATE BATTLE.. What is the ultimate battle u might think.. Its a one on one rap competition.. And he agreed.. Little did i know he was the brother of the legendary rapper Snoop Pillay.. I''m in shit..
He went 1st.. " Yo 'Arry , you wanna challenge me, i'll beat u up and make u cry like a stukkie... Yo 'Arry u think u cool, ill skop u stukkend and throw u in da pool.. Yo 'Arry u durban prick, why dont u shut up and chow my dik!!!" The crowd vyed maal.. They smaaked this owe..
It was now my turn.. " Erm... Erm... Ek se bru, lemme choon you, ur mother found you in a lenasia zoo... Ek se outie, dont act all vys, i'll come there now and shit on your face.. Ek se dont cry honey, but get another bunny, and while you at it u can gimme my goblet of curry.." I did it.. I won.. I defeated Death By Chocolate.. That owe was kakking bricks.. The crowd voted for me.. And that ended my adventure at Griffy "ills..
So back i went Rowling back to the lugs and handed Hunty Hagrid the curry.. Twas lukka lukka that thing.. We had for breakast,lunch and had enuf for the orphans.. So me, Ron and Her Money vyed back to our chill spot at the lugs and maaled a game of Thunnee.. Peaceout Bru's..

Harry Patel And The Palestinian Stone...

Came where cuzi's.. I'm back and all.. Your'll know me.. Cos if your'll don't then your'll know nothing and all..I'm back as promise and still in one piece after my near death experience der by Milky Lane and all..But that all in the past and my lux stukkie Bibi Khan Shaik is having some trouble in her home town of Lenasia.. So onto my next adventure i went..
Lenz is far from my posse here by the coast, so my Hunty Hagrid made me some samoosa's and aloo paratha's for my long journey. So i packed my Skyline and broom broom off i went. Me and my main outie Ron the Don from Reservoir H'ills..He's a laani this owe.. We can even watch flims on his car radio..He's a magical con artist this oke..
So we reached this stukkies house and she briefed us on the mission at hand.. This was no easy task.. No word of lie.. I downed 4 packs of lucky strike to pace myself for this one.. Heres the mission at hand.. The Lord Voldo Motto was rollin with Baboo Rugrat.. A clash of the titans bru.. Motto is from Randburg and Baboo from Lenasia.. They rollin to see who deserves to be the capital of Durban ek se..
After numerous sound competitions and drag races they couldnt reach an agreement.. So Bibi Khan called me in to try to settle this with some magical touches.. I had no spells for this type of battle so i had a meeting with Baboo and Motto, plus they both want me dead cos i'm choonin wit their dragons on mxit..So at the meeting it was decided that we'll settle this old school.. A battle to the death..
Now being the charo that i am i knew that one of my 2 big enemy's were gonna die so i was min.. I was like the ref in this instance.. So the troops started pulling in.. The Randburg owes in their laanified jeans and skippers, drowning in gold chains and stuff. And the lenasians in their traditional red sand clothing.. The rol was going on for hours, until it was Baboo and Motto left..Motto pulled out a stone from his pocket and started aiming at Baboo.. But suddenly it exploded in Motto's hand.. It was the famous Palestine stone.. Its meant for suicide bombings.. Motto was dead.. Lenz was the official capital of Durban.. Randburg was a mere district..
So Baboo came back smilin from earhole to assole.. He choon me "Ay Arry ma bru, lets go down some black labels and get fucked." But at the back of my head i knew this owe is plotting something against me as he was chooning on his L-Patel cellphone.. I saw his 2 posse members looking at me skeef and Ron was busy smoking a joint, DP from lenz as its now part of the coast.. So these 2 members approached me but lucky for me i unleashed my tyrant of a wand.. I sprayed them stukkend and they turned into tadpoles.. Baboo's plan to attack me while i was drunk failed.. I chased him into lenz but theres more extensions there than there are in Hunty Hagrid's hair.. I lost him.. But he'll be back i know.. So me and Ron went back to the coast.. Back the the 'ills everything was the same.. We chilled at the lugs and played thunnee till high tide..Until Next time bru's when i choon u about the Goblet of Curry..

Harry Patel And The Prisoner From Afghanistan...

Ay wats up bru's..I'm back.. Its me 'Arry.. And i'm back as promised with my sequel rite.. Your'll know that dragon that was the principal der at that other skewl in Chatsworth, Hunty Hagrid.. I hooked up with her for a dop at the lugs last Saturday and she chooned me bout my new mission.. Top secret bru.. But i'll u choon u guys..
Theres this stukkie, Phatma from Afghanistan and she's held hostage by Baboo Rugrat Rajah.. I thought i samoosa smacked that member in my last order at Phoenix.. But he dont die that guy.. He was keeping her at Joe Cools there by North Beach just above milky lane.. Eish bru.. Thats hectic ek se..His army there consisted of all the Jozi slum owes dressed in their Eid clothes and slum stukkies more naked than Jamie Oliver ekse..
Baboo knew my only weakness was for these half naked stukkies from Jozi and that they would be my downfall but this was the time to face my fears.. I hopped on ma vroom stick aka Nissan Skyline and headed for North Beach.. Ay bru, this place is no ordinary joint ekse.. All these slum owes are here with their bali's car and pumping sounds unheard of 4rm my part of town.. Watever happend to the nr 1 coastal track "King Of newCastle".. I battled the 1st wave by looking down thw whole time and then i came to the last hurdle b4 confronting Baboo..
She was wearing one coniving little numba that you'll check merrie's from Brazil wear.. But at the back of my mind i knew Phatma was number 1 priority cos if i save heri'll get free achaar from Hunty Hagrid.. So i choon that coninving stukkie that my bali got no money and i drive a pep car.. She turned green in her face and her blood rushed to her brains.. I DID it.. I killed the Jozi venom.. Now to go get Phatma..As i reached the top, Baboo jumped down and escaped on his Harley.. Cos i cant kill him now as there are still 5 more books to be written.. And also all the members that are my fans will be sore-hearted at my departure.. So i'll get Baboo another day.. Phatma was a bat, no word of lie.. I wanted to feed her some Rattex and tell her to jump in my boot.. When whe reached the school she jumped out and the oil lights came on.. Wat a thing i tell u, wat a thing.. She was a rock spider of note.. And thats why Hunty Hagrid needed her.. So she could scare the spiders in the school away.. That was her trick.. No wand needed.. Just smile..Thats all for me for now.. You'll be sure to catch my next segment as i come across a Palestinian philosper's Stone.. Until then i'll be at the lugs.. Lukka lukka..

Harry Patel And The Order From Phoenix...

The Highly anticipated follow-up Movie in the Harry Patel Series is due for release soon, so we thought we'd give you a brief preview of what you have to expect..This flim follows on from the previous flim: Harry Patel and the Prisoner from Kazakhstan. It all begins after Harry starts his new patha business (Harry Patel's House of Pathas) in Chatsworth (Queensburgh North).Late one evening, h'arry receives a (h)eerie phonecall from a mysterious stranger. The stranger orders 10 'ot Chilli Pathas for free delivery. 'arry is shock-ed. He has never 'eard of such a big h'order before. He than asks the stranger his address. The stranger says "I live in Phoenixin Unit 3. Look for Chrisanthanim Street, and its 'ouse number hatey hate (88).

" The line goes dead. 'arry is shock-ed again! " 'allo 'allo " 'arry asks, but there's no answer. He then decides to venture out to Unit 3 Phoenix, to try and find the 'ouse of the mysterious stranger. Throughout the story, 'arry encounters many villians, such as the Gotham City Taxis and the Blue Lagoon Laddoo's. All the while he develops a secret relationship with 'eroine BiBi Khan Shaik, which he knows will not be accepted by his Gaam in India..He hooked her up by the lugs one night and demonstrated his masala wand.They were dik in the pyaars and Baboo Rugrat Shaik found out..But thats another story..So what happened at 88.. Stay tuned to the Lenasia Times for an hupdate..